April 2007 | Posted in • Family | (0) Comments |
“Before becoming a mother I had a hundred theories on how to bring up children. Now I have seven children and only one theory: love them, especially when they least deserve to be loved.”
- Kate Samperi
Before any of us actually live through parenting, we believe we have “in theory” what it takes to parent our children. We read all the Christian parenting books and go to parenting seminars. We seek out wisdom from those who blazed the trail before us. We are ready; then our sweet, could do no wrong toddler decides to bite the nose of another toddler, drawing blood in the church nursery. Do we need to go any further with this story!?
This was a true story of my second child, who is now 28 years old and happily married. What is now humorous to talk about was anything but humorous when it was happening. It’s hard to find humor when things are difficult and you are walking it out.
Throughout the years of my life when I would experience difficulty, be it my fault, the devil’s fault, or no one’s fault, I found comfort in Psalm 30:5 which talks about there is weeping in the night. . .but the joy comes in the morning. Sometimes your morning may take a while. . .. . .hang in there! My morning took 17 years to come, and did not come as I would have imagined.
Through my experiences as a parent, I have become a firm believer that we do the best we can with what we know. There are no dress rehearsals; it’s live as you go, mistakes and all. Many years into parenting, I knew something was wrong, and that things were not as I had imagined they would be. I had trained my children to respond to my reactions to them. And I was reacting to my children through the struggles deep inside of me. Lifelong hurts and pains from my childhood were dictating how I parented my children. The generational cycles of my parents and their parents and so forth were being passed down to my children through me.
We have been blessed to have four great children. Our oldest son who is “a little” like me, presented us with challenges at times.
Our oldest daughter never did anything to get in trouble. Years later, she shared she was afraid. . . until Valentine’s Day 1995! It was a Sunday lunch after the family had returned from church service. We were at the table, and our daughter ?reacted’ to something I was saying. I was thinking, “How dare she do that to me, her mom!” I pushed my chair away from the table and started toward my daughter. My godly husband and head of the house took control of the situation for me. He stepped in, and with his authority, said these words, “You need to go to your room now!” as he looked at me! That was the day God got my attention through my husband. God showed me what the problem was. . . it was me.
I needed help. I scheduled my first meeting with Pastor Mitch. In the following months, I spent hours praying and reading the Word, allowing God to change me. God said to me that if I would allow Him to change me, then those changes would affect my children, my home life, everything.
As time went on, God exposed layers of hurts, offenses, and wrong thinking about who I was through a class called Breaking the Cycle of Hurtful Family Experiences. During this class, God revealed to me different times that I had hurt and offended my children by what I did or said. After praying late one night, I can remember going to my son’s bedroom, waking him up, and weeping as I repented. It was such a surprise to him that I would repent to him that he began to cry, too!
God healed my relationship with both my children. And God was right. . ..if I trusted Him to change me, it would change my children.
I want to encourage every parent reading this article, that if you are struggling as a parent, seek help. Needing help doesn’t make you a bad parent! We all need help from time to time in life. Our church offers great small groups classes, or you can make an appointment with Frann Sarpolus for personal ministry.
God loves you and wants to create a home where both you and your children enjoy living. Our Father God loves us and forgives us unconditionally . . .it is important as parents that we are able to give the same to our children. . .“and only one theory: love them, especially when they least deserve to be loved. . .”
Dianne Boyette
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